The little thing in life

An email conversation with a friend today prompted me to think about "Things That Should Not Be Done." Now, keep in mind, that this list is not exclusive and may only apply in the South or maybe just in my head. I, however; feel that these things are important.

1. Do not have a wedding on a Friday, football game weekend or during the opening day of ANY hunting season. Fridays are for REHEARSAL dinners and with the others you run the risk of having only two guests at the wedding. You and the groom.
2. Do not think for one second that I care about how "DONE" you are with him or how "TRASHED" you got last night. I do not like being an innocent bystander of your conversational assault. You and I aren't speaking. Your conversation partner is three feet away from you, not three miles. Keep your voice down or shut the heck up.
3. Do not imagine, even for a brief moment, that anyone - (other than chester molesters and sex crazed boys) wants to see your cleavage or overly exposed thighs and midriffs. Yay for body confidence, but keep it covered hooker.
4. Do not enter an elevator to only go up or down ONE floor, beware...I may be in there and I WILL hurt you. If you aren't disabled, elderly or injured or helping someone who is, you are just a pathetic lazy blob.
5. Do not touch a pregnant woman's stomach. Would you like someone constantly rubbing your ass (for example) and talking to it?
6. Do NOT wear white tennis shoes with jeans. Better yet, just don't wear white tennis shoes. This is no longer the 80's and Reebok's don't rule.
7. Do not send me an email threatening bad luck or doom and gloom if I don't forward it. I think Jesus will forgive me and not take offense if I don't perpetuate your insanity.
8. Do not say SUPPOSEBLY. Man oh man, you'll be lucky if I don't rip your lips off. It is SUPPOSEDLY. With a D people.
9. Do not chew with your mouth open and smack your food. I beg of you. If you do, don't be surprised if I look at you with utter disgust in my eyes.
10. Do not use the phrase "GIT 'ER DONE." It just makes you sound stupid and the rest of us southerners look bad too.
11. Do not proclaim to be a fan of Ole Miss AND MSU. That is just not possible. Pick a dang side.
12. Do not admit that you didn't watch the game on Saturday, you may lose friends and will definitely lose respect.

Hmmm..Maybe more later. I am tired.